Indescribable Young Man

*Plug in my earpod to my ears and play my favourite song for the starting and let the playlist play by itself randomly. I'm imagining myself in a calm beautiful place while typing for my entry* I was in a real bad depression before and felt like the world left me out just like I'm not even exist. That was the moment in my life that I could never imagined to happen and it did happen. I was speechless, blank, and hopeless. People always say that life is like a roller coaster there is an up and down in our lives but mine was like a roller coaster going off the tracks and straightly off to the deepest dungeon of the earth. I am afraid, terrified and all mixed up feelings. I can't even feel the beautiful days anymore as the only thing I can see was cloudy clouds and no more sun to brightens up my days. I'm afraid. Afraid of telling other people about my problems even to my parents. Apparently, in my whole life I've never told my parents about any of serious probl...

Apparently, the secret is revealed. The worst thing in life for the time being is happening to myself. One of my best buddy has had discovered that the not-my-intention-to-lied lie by himself. It's pretty uneasy for me for him knowing the truth, but what if I tell you that something that pretty hurts me deeply inside my heart and mind like thousands of knives stabbing me for the whole time is something that you shouldn't really know even I myself would never want this to happen. I know the truth is bitter but better than lying. Instead, I told him another way round but got some twisted story. This actually a total absurd thing I've done as for now, I am afraid to contact him personally and ashamed. Losing someone that you have considered as a good friend is such a big deal you-know. All the lies have covered myself in seeking for purity and truest friendships in life. I'm the one who chose this path, now I know the path that I took was actually bringing me down to the ...

So, I'm starting my day with a bright smile, sleepy eyes, currently having a conversation with my best friend on my iPod and listening to Mariah Carey’s songs through iTunes, oh I forgot I've scrolled my timeline on Instagram just know. I couldn't imagined how time flies, I've been in peninsular Malaysia for almost a year. I even finished my studies in TESL’s foundation at UiTM Campus Alor Gajah somehow I think this is absurd, I know but that is what happening right now, right this time. While Mariah’s song accompanying me with emotional kind-of-song really gets me feel emotional at this morning. Suddenly the smells of curry lingering in the air, I don't know who’s cooking curry right now but the smells is so yummy. Okay back to my story, this programme had taught me a lot in improving my English and I realized I have a very lousy vocabulary and very bad in grammar. Yesterday, I had some leisure time around 4 o'clock in the morning to reread my posts on my bl...

       Sometimes, there's a time when I sit in a quiet place alone, without any disturbance of the people, chaotic life, and hustle and bustle city just to find the real myself and thinking about life. Yes life. You never know how hard life can be. Well, after all these problems that I've faced before and maybe I will face it in the future actually really wake me up to realize what should I do, what I shouldn't do. I'm actually trying to find someone to share all the pains through mentally not by physically but mentally. I was thinking "Is there going to be somebody with me to hear all my problems? Or maybe someone can heal the pain by share their happiness with me?" all these actually lingered in my mind. I hide all the pains, the problems from all my family and friends. I don't want them to be involved to unnecessary and not important things in their life. Especially when it's all about myself. That is why, I try to keep it all by myself. There...